Here is what I’ve noticed in almost every client stepping towards real transformation. Their vision is vivid. The person they want to become is clear in their heart. And sitting right between their dreams is that voice of the analytical mind who is working overtime trying to appease the ego’s qualms.
Yes. I said it, Ego.
Ego doesn’t actually fear that you will fail. It knows that you will likely succeed. What Ego doesn’t want is the bruises it will endure along the way. And what it thinks will get bruised varies from person to person.
A common bruise is the real consequences of change, a shifted relationship, a lost comfort, and how one will operate on a daily basis once a change is made.
Another common bruise is having to withstand people whom you love the most, family members, friends being truly confused and sometimes betrayed because now you are acting differently. And your ego doesn’t like to be questioned, prodded, challenged and or judged.
To know if the ego is talking is to figure out what and who you are serving.
When you start something and maybe you do this because you want to serve your Ummah. To test if its your ego, notice if your mind is giving you excuses to do x,y,z before starting. Your mind is telling you to do your due diligence before your start. Now If you are doing due diligence to ensure the service you provide is of ihsan, then that isn’t ego. But if you are doing due diligence to ensure that you are “seen” in a particular way by others, and even by the customers, then this is ego.
Let me tell you about two sisters. Different situations. Same wound.
The first sister came to me wanting to become someone who is beyond a mother, wife, and obedience. She wants to become a business woman that is smart, powerful, her own person, her own success, in her own name, having her own income. And she wanted it so much it ached.
We looked at her Zone of Genius and here’s what surfaced: she genuinely loves being pregnant, loves holding her babies, motherhood is one of her deepest joys. And the same time something else in her was dying to get out.
The obstacle wasn’t ambition fighting motherhood. It was ego, and ingratitude. Specifically afraid of the bruises that when she became that person, she’d stop being seen as the submissive, agreeable wife and mother everyone could rely on without pushback. Becoming visible meant speaking up for herself, creating boundaries, and being accountable for herself and the how she spent her time. She could no longer be a victim (this is the ego’s alliance), she could no longer blame others.
