From the desk of Coach Gemi
Today: Chasing the Elusive Balance of Life
One of the themes that comes up a lot in coaching is this idea of finding balance in life.
The key question, though, is always: what does balance actually mean to the person?
Because every person is different.
Many people associate balance with something quantitative—something measurable. A tit-for-tat situation. Equal portions. Equal hours. Equal effort. And the challenge they often voice is: How do I give all the parts of my life an equal share?
Others feel that “balance” is really a chase for freedom—something they are inherently longing for.
There are challenges with both of these interpretations. And the issue doesn’t actually lie in the desire for balance itself. The issue lies in not having a clear definition of what the word “balance” really means.
As I sit and reflect on my conversations with clients—especially professionals with robust careers and equally robust family lives—I notice this pattern clearly. They are constantly searching for balance.
So let’s talk about what this “balance” is really about.
In the world, balance is often framed as work hard, play hard. Go all in at work, then go all in at home. And to an extent, this can work—particularly for people who are only responsible for themselves, who are not in a relationship, and who don’t yet have family or caregiving responsibilities.
But the challenge shows up for those who do have families, do have children, and do have careers that feel like they’re on the line.
At this stage, it’s no longer a yearning for balance—it’s a reeling. A constant internal tug-of-war.
And here’s the reality: families (even extended families) and kids don’t behave like paid employees. You’re not paying them. They don’t clock in. They don’t optimize for efficiency. They get to act how they want, when they want, because they are not team members showing up for a paycheck.
So what does balance even feel like now?
I want to break this down a bit—and this is a direct call-out to couples with small children who are running at the speed of light. You may have an illustrious career, make good money, take great vacations… and yet still feel there is no clear balance between your own needs, your family’s needs, and what work demands from you.
Let’s look at this through personality types.
There’s the Type A personality—the go-getter. The one who completes a 19-point to-do list by 10 a.m. The one who tells herself she can do it all.
And when you tell yourself you can do it all—you often do.
But it comes at a cost.
At some point, rest becomes non-negotiable. Not intentional rest—collapse rest. “I’m dead. I can’t move. I have no choice but to stop.”
Rest becomes an indulgence instead of a rhythm.
The belief this person often carries is that balance means everything must be exact. Equal amounts. Perfect symmetry. And what I’ve observed—working closely with people like this—is that the workaholism, the checklist living, the constant go-go-go… is often a mask.
A mask for shame.
A performer mindset.
A need to be useful, valuable, and never look bad.
There’s a strong status component here. The ego is being fed. Performance stays high.
There’s also avoidance.
Overworking. Overdoing. Over-producing.
We have to ask: Is this rooted in self-worth?
So when we talk about balance for this person, we need to be honest. The challenge isn’t the desire for balance. It isn’t even the effort they’re putting in.
The challenge is that their intentions aren’t aligned with who they actually are.
Let me give you an example.
A Type A woman completes 19 to-dos by 10 a.m. She pats herself on the back—what an achievement. And yet, in that process, she didn’t pause to set an intention. She didn’t make time for her Maker. She was too busy chasing the next task.
What’s happening here?
She wasn’t just completing tasks—she was performing.
And as Muslims, we must ask: Who are we performing for?
Ourselves?
Others?
Or Allah?
This is the real pivot point.
The shift doesn’t come from better time management.
It doesn’t come from more productivity tools.
It doesn’t come from delegation alone.
It comes from asking:
What does balance feel like for me—not look like?
In working with this woman, balance didn’t mean equal hours or time blocks. It meant serenity. Contentment. The feeling that things were in their place—without counting, tracking, or proving.
Not “I gave this person one hour.”
Not “I worked out for 30 minutes.”
But a deeper check-in with her body:
Do I feel safe?
Do I feel satisfied with what I was able to give today?
This is a safety issue.
And it requires being okay—even when others are not pleased.
Are we performing so people can say, “She’s good. She doesn’t cause commotion. She does everything right”?
Or are we worshipping through our work and saying, “Allah, this is my capacity today. My intention is for You. I ask You for balance within this.”
I’ve seen the shift be incredible when intention changes.
Because balance is not a time-management problem.
Balance is not a spreadsheet.
Balance is a felt experience.
It is an emotional state.
And we are not balance sheets.
We are human beings.
This is just a taste of what I’ll be sharing in my paid space.
There will be nuance. Case studies. Real stories—from thousands of hours of coaching. This isn’t theory. It’s lived work.
I work with entrepreneurs, aspiring entrepreneurs, professionals at a pivot point—Muslim and non-Muslim, corporate and entrepreneurial. And across all of it, intentionality is the recurring theme.
What’s especially interesting is that for my non-Muslim clients, intentionality becomes an even greater challenge—because there is no heart connection to the Maker.
So if you’d like to join me as I share reflections, case studies, and insights into the human psyche—this is my invitation.
I’m not a psychologist. I’m a coach. This is my lens.
I especially want to call in Muslim coaches—these are powerful case studies as you step into serving the Ummah.
And for those in business who already know this truth: business is not just about doing—it’s about being.
This is Be{ing} in Business.
I’ll also be sharing podcasts inside, and occasionally hosting live Q&A sessions.
I invite you into my world.
I’m honored to have you here.
I’ll see you inside.
— Coach Gemi